I overheard a conversation once that stands out in my memory. The kind where two people are chatting at the water cooler in the office, and you just happen to be standing next to the dusty fake plant outside your boss’s office, waiting for a meeting. You’re not trying, but you can’t help but overhear what ends up being a juicy little snippet of other people’s lives. 

I should mention that this particular black water cooler was located within the musky play space at a San Francisco swinger club. Instead of waiting for a meeting with my boss, I was face down, ass up, with my husband’s fat cock spreading me from my wet lips to my cervix. 

Soft light was contrasted by several bright screens where a variety of porn scenes were adding to the overall debauchery. Hypnotic music pulsated in time to the sucking and smacking both on and off screen.

From my compromised position, I had a front-row view of the watering hole where an assortment of naked bodies converged to rehydrate from cone-shaped cups barely big enough to hold a gulp.  

The conversation between two lean men hooked my attention when the dark-haired one on the right looked to the other with a twinge of anxiety and said: 

“Dude, I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m going to be able to fuck your girl tonight, man.” Everything in his tone and body language said that it wasn’t because he didn’t want to. He was apologizing because he simply couldn’t do it. 

This was a case of performance nerves, or to put it another way, SUUDS (sudden unexpected uncooperative dicks syndrome), a term I just coined. I imagine most men can relate, especially those who have ventured into the uncharted territory of group sex. 

The man wanted to fuck the other dude’s girl; she was probably nearby, sprawled out on a mat with a sexy outfit and thighs spread,  but his cock was refusing to play ball — or pussy, as it was in this case. 

~

Perhaps you’re sitting over there thinking, what a dope. My dick is hard as steel every fucking time. I’d get the job done. I’d lay the fucking pipe, Lila — just try me. Let’s you and me get a hotel and I’ll show you just how good I can spread those long legs of yours and leave your sweet little cunt on its proverbial knees begging for more. I’m ready to go, Lila. 

Maybe that’s true; I won’t lie, I kind of want a literal and figurative taste of your steel stallion.  However, I wonder, have you ever fucked in front of a room full of other people? Because, my spunky subscriber, that sounds exactly like something my husband would have said before we started “The Great Year of Fucking” or as others know it, 2023. 

As refreshing as it is to experience the freedom and sex positivity of group play, it doesn’t come without its share of awkward — sometimes stress-inducing — experiences. 

~

Back to the watering hole… 

“It’s just, this is our first time here. And — it’s a lot.”

“It’s okay, dude. I get it.” 

At this point, I just wanted to get up and give poor Mr. Nerves a warm, naked hug and tell him that there was nothing wrong with him or his cock, which I’m sure is perfectly delightful.

I didn’t have the chance to tell him (given what was happening to me),  but I hope he figured it out if he ever came back to another sex club.  He was a man experiencing normal anxious human feelings (and their subsequent physical reactions) — feelings I’ve seen play out many a time in my adventures in nontraditional erotic spaces.